Justified and Guiltless

I have recently been reading a book titled “Blue Like Jazz” by Donald Miller. A few close friends of mine have been telling me that it’s a “must read”, and since I’ve started to feel guilty about my lack of reading this semester, I decided to give it a try. So far the book has absolutely lived up to the hype. In it, Miller explores his personal experience with salvation and addresses so many of the problems that we encounter in our Christian lives but rarely find the courage to talk about.

Though I am roughly 30 pages into the book, I have already found Miller’s writing to be incredibly refreshing. He writes in such a way that he allows the reader to take a look into his personal journey of self-exploration and salvation. He writes about those thoughts that we all have late at night but try to forget when we wake up the next morning. His writing embodies the thing that is missing from most Christian community and speaks to many of the things that people wrestle with in secret because they never feel the freedom to share them with others.

One of the greatest examples of this so far is a short story that he shared:

“I know someone who has twice cheated on his wife, whom I don’t know. He told me this over coffee because I was telling him how I though, perhaps, man was broken; how for man, doing good and moral things was like swimming upstream. He wondered if God had mysteriously told me about his infidelity. He squirmed a bit and then spoke to me as if I were a priest. He confessed everything. I told him I was sorry, that it sounded terrible. And it did sound terrible. His body convulsed in guilt and self-hatred. He said he would lie down next to his wife at night feeling walls of concrete between their hearts. He had secrets. She tries to love him, but he knows he doesn’t deserve it. He cannot accept her affection because she is loving a man who doesn’t exist. He plays a role. He says he is an actor in his own home.”

-Blue Like Jazz, page 22

Although Miller was using this as an illustration of the human condition and our natural sinful nature, I think it does an exceptional job illustrating our struggle with the acceptance of grace.

I’m not at all saying that most of us out there can completely identify with what it is like to cheat on a spouse. In fact, I know that ninety percent of the people reading this have never even been married, but what I am saying is that we can all identify with this feeling of total guilt and shame. When I read this myself, I don’t identify with it in terms of a physical relationship, but with my relationship to God.

When I read the story, I read it as if I am the man, and the spouse whom I have cheated on is God. Many times in my life have I felt the anguish of stepping outside my relationship with Christ seeking satisfaction. This has manifested itself in many different ways, but every time I feel as though I have stepped outside what should be a committed and loving relationship only to be reminded that I already have what I was looking for. I then return back to the one who offers unconditional love empty handed and unable to accept that love because I find myself underserving. I see someone who repeatedly forgives me yet I am unable to forgive myself.

That inability to forgive myself then carries over to an inability to love God back. I feel as though I am that actor playing a role that confesses love yet offers nothing. Any attempts at proper worship feel as though they are completely lacking authenticity. This pulls me farther away from the one who offers this pure and perfect love because I find myself unworthy of it, and pushes me back into the arms of those other lovers who, although unfulfilling, at least fall in line with my own concept of self worth.

This is a dark and treacherous cycle that so many of us find ourselves in and, worst of all, it isolates us from everyone and everything that can possibly mend our broken spirits.

This vicious loop is one that we- the body of believers that make up the church, have failed to properly speak to. Don’t get me wrong; I think that overall we do a great job of preaching to non-believers when they are in this space and showing them that the Gospel offers freedom from. However, I think that we often fail to find believers who have already trusted Christ with their eternity and apply the Gospel to their hurting in the same way.

What I mean is that we often do a great job of informing people that Jesus is the answer to their problems when they’re completely lost, but I think it can be far too easy as a believer to again become entrapped in this overwhelming guilt and shame when you begin to struggle with sin after repenting and believing. It can be too easy to forget that we don’t have to have it all together. That our justification that comes from salvation simply means that we are perfect in the sight of God, not that we become perfect people. We suffer from a sin problem, and it doesn’t go away when we become believers. We should look more like Jesus as we go through the process of sanctification, but we will never reach perfection until we are united with Christ in heaven (Romans 6:22).

I was reminded of this incredible truth on Sunday at church when my pastor was preaching out of the book of Isaiah. He preached out of chapter 6. In this story, Isaiah sees the glory of God in its fullness, and his response is:

“Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” (Isaiah 6:5)

I can completely identify with Isaiah here. He comes face to face with the glory of the almighty God and he is reminded of his shortcomings. Isaiah is a preacher, appointed to preach the gospel and yet he says that he is a man of “unclean lips”. He is saying that he feels as though the very thing he is supposed to use to spread the gospel is not even worthy of the Lord’s use.

So often I feel the same way. I find myself saying, “how am I supposed to lead anyone, or share with anyone or teach anything if I’m struggling with THIS.” Feeling as though I’m not living up to my own standards, or anyone else’s of what I’m supposed to be. To be honest, it was semi-comforting to know that a biblical prophet felt the same way. However, what happens next proved to be infinitely more so.

Verse 6: Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and said: Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.

This is incredible. After all of this, God responds in such a way that is so comforting. In the midst of his feelings of incapability, God hears Isaiah and then reminds him that not only is his sin atoned for, but his guilt is taken away. His guilt is taken away. No more does he have to weigh his own sin against his calling to ministry, but he can rest in the finished work of Christ. He can live out his calling knowing that it is not his work but the power of Christ at work through him. Justification and guilt cannot exist within the same heart.

This is just another reminder of the incredible freedom that we have in Christ. No guilt or shame, only joy in the incredible gift that has been freely given to us. Take this moment as an opportunity to let go of all of your feelings of inadequacy. Let go of the guilt and shame that seems to linger far longer than it should. Let go of whatever seems to be blinding you from the unconditional love of Christ.